THE LIGHT, THE DARKNESS, AND CHAOS
Collected Writings of Catherine Stepancic/Caspar.
In Conversations with God; Light, Shadow, Chaos and Various Angels.
Words endure. . . do not make too many.
The hellish webs of words are powerful.
So, beware the trap, for words have meanings;
value them—or you will pull them from the underworld.
Be silent and listen; for your foundations are frozen in madness.
Words are where desolation and abundance flow together.
Therefore, be it words in the image of God.
In the search for freedom I found God: I’d never lost Him. I just didn’t KNOW Him. Like most living things, we all belong to the Supreme Spirit of Principles; The Light, the Shadow, Chaos, Love, Nature, Morality, Life and Death. Some of us will grow in the Light and others in Shadow. Both can ultimately hold us in bondage and yet, still have the power to set us free. Whichever, imperfect path we choose, we more often than not, forget our temporality and instead, cultivate the ruler of world affairs.
It is in the world that we encounter Chaos—and Chaos is endless desire. It longs for the hollow things; things bound by time, because humankind is easily led, and dependant on distinct structures to influence cravings. And in this dead system, humankind reaches for places that will drive the images of his blind ache. Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride. All fertile acres which bear earthly fruits. Life demands it; but we argue; this is not our main objective. However, the truth is desperation, and we are regulated to gobble this intoxicating drink in the so-called noises of life.
We believe, the system will set us free. It will transform our lives and fill our unbearable inner longing to succeed. It promises freedom and escape from commonality. This leads us duty bound to find the comfort inside Shadows pre-conditioned laws. Laws we adhere to and believe in.
The harvest of our goals captures self; things and men. It lays the soul bare to honor power, wealth and knowledge. Shadow confirms with promises that every human happiness is experienced through financial wealth. Only this path will offer independence and the liberation we all so desperately desire.
Thus, my belief in want and need fuelled by hunger, made the beast, and I was poisoned by it. Dragons and Devils filled my heart leaving the volumes of bitter-sweet knowledge laid bare in a wasteland before me. I then travelled through conflicting thoughts—all the stories I’d told myself were revealed in continuum. I saw the blindness of a self-existing being dependant on symbols. I saw the schemes and lies. These were words delivered by Shadows wisdom in distorted speeches and spoken in a parody to deceive me. Imitations of a deranged prophet still traveling endlessly through mind. The stories I told myself only confirmed how inadequate and contradictory past experience had plagued my broken heart. For in the Shadows insidious trappings come the images developed in reflections of time-memories; events filled with blood and sacrifice.
Nevertheless, I searched for God. Looking for guidance with a longing to be heard. What I came to discover is; the noises of life discards salvation, and vice decides fulfillment.
God is a mystery and manifests when one treasures solitude, meditates with purpose and seeks perfection in limitation. God affirms one must become the master of soul and at the same time its servant. For this knowledge is not found in any book. It is not found in the mouths of teachers but grows out of your dreams. God comes to you as the radiant servant of the child. Utterly obedient, subjugated and under extreme humility. God is a child! The child you once knew. Wonder, trust, unconditional love, humility, charity, kindness, mercy and sacrifice.
He is… Where you are not.
Our human meaning has been conditioned to require payment for virtue and payment always finds its way to vices; a deception that will not be spared by God.
* * * *
So here begins the journey, and it isn’t long before I know I’m not alone; for all questions must be answered. In my utter belief that God hears me something happens to my Spirit. God speaks to me and He says. “Sacrifice is the foundation stone of what is to come.”
Then an Angel appears and says… “Inside the universe is a fountain of untapped knowledge. Some call it the ageless wisdom and others call it truth. Nevertheless, we all follow our unique belief system to satisfy the Souls yearning for answers. It is part of every individual’s voyage through life, in the hope of finding themselves one day free.”
We are enlightened but don’t remember. Teachers have walked amongst us in the many generations of time, and they promised; our spirit hears truth when it is revealed. We need only listen.
All the sages of today and the old prophets, have sought to teach humanity the secrets to happiness and fulfillment. To answer all the questions of existence. However, there is nothing new under the sun. What has been, will always be.
So, when enlightenment did arrive – by surprise – I realised, it was not the end of the journey, nor the end of questions. It was the beginning of another, yet similar journey, and in the words of the Buddha—Before enlightenment; chopping wood and carrying water—After enlightenment; chopping wood and carrying water.’
This is truth!